driftfleet_ooc | Happy holidays to your lips~

[For what it's worth she's pretty impressed considering the first time status. Hell, if he hadn't made it that far she would have understood. As it is, they both found their happy place. And now, in this moment at least, there is just a blissful satisfaction. Other thoughts and feelings will surely creep in, but no need to summon them. She'll just enjoy this for what is while she can. She lets her head rest on his chest, listening to the sound of his heart. She hasn't bothered with any kind of clothing but despite the warmth she has pulled a blanket partially over herself. Modesty is ever so important after all that!]

Mmm...There was a certain amount of activity to it. Good exercise. Maybe I'll spend a little less time training tomorrow. [She has, in fact, trained even more vigorously since Winn has been gone. Though a big part of that is just trying to exhaust herself into sleep or at least distraction.

Her hand idly trails along his arm.]

Yeah? [He grins at the suggestion.] Maybe I should consider taking a break as well. [Vash had his own daily workout routine. Although his was usually kept private in his room or when he thought the cargo room was going to be empty for awhile.]

As long as you don't let anyone know I'm taking a day off. I won't if you don't. [His arm is a littered field of rough skin. From puckered scars, old stitches that were never properly removed, clear gunshot wounds, and a plethora of damaged skin where it's not easily identified what has happened.]

I don't think anyone would begrudge you a day off. [Not that she'd tell anyway.

Now that the adrenaline and slew of hormones are no longer pumping, she finds herself taking in his body on a more thoughtful level. Her body has seen a lot of battles and wounds, but compared to his it looks flawless. He seems to wear it all so visibly. Though she's sure there are more unseen wounds too. Her fingertips gently trace one of the scars across his upper arm.]

Or ten. Or all of the days.

Yeah? That many, huh? [He tilts his head and watches her trace the scar. He remembers that one. One of the first after he got his title and no where near the last.]

I can cover them up if you want. [There's no judgment in his voice. He thinks they're awful to look at so he doesn't blame anyone else and assumes everyone thinks close to the same as he does about them.]

The days off? [Honestly confused at first until she notices where he's looking. She stills her hand, but doesn't remove it.]

They don't bother me. I mean, except in the way where I'm sorry you've been hurt and had really dicey treatment options. Putting tiny cages over wounds isn't exactly protocol anywhere else I've heard of.

[She pauses, meeting his eyes.] Does it bother you that I'm seeing them?

Yeah. I woke up in hospital with that one on. [Speaking mostly of the largest one on his chest that covers a large carved out portion of his skin.] I don't know what they were thinking and then it didn't seem worth it to have it removed. Who knows what extra hardware I would have woke up with?

[A pause as he considers how much he wants to share.] It did stop a bullet once. So, it's not completely useless.

[He doesn't look away when she meets his eyes, but he does seem to think about his answer for a bit before responding.] Not really. [A beat.] A little. [He answers more honestly.] But only because I don't mean for anyone to feel sorry or sad for me when they see them.

[They were all just a product if the way he chooses to live his life of love and peace on a kill or be killed world.]

For what it's worth, I didn't mean it in a pitying way. I use all that up on myself anyway. [She gives him a little smile and then stretches herself up, so that she's in range to give him a gentle kiss.] I just keep my scars on the inside. [Her voice is softer as she says it. Not joking here.] And I'm kind of wired to be protective. [And by "kind of" she means a lot and sometimes it's a problem.]

[She hovers close after the kiss.] And your hospitals suck. Not that I'm a doctor of anything, but my offended on their behalf.

[He returns her soft kiss and ignores that small voice trying to come back and tell him what a terrible idea this all is. Not willing to ruin the good mood he was in with that kind of thinking just yet.] I think we all have scars there. [He runs a hand down her arm with a smile.] Although I hope yours aren't too deep, I get the feeling they probably are.

[He can't help but grin at her opinion on the hospitals on his world.] There are a few good ones out there. Working with what they can and what little they usually have, but yeah they suck. They suck really badly.

[What's one soft kiss after everything else they've done? Then again she is notoriously bad at half measures. She's never had a one-night stand even when she fully intended to. So one soft kiss becomes spending the night sleeping next to each other which becomes more kisses in the morning and so on.]

Define deep. [Don't actually define deep. She means that as her answer. They're pretty deep. She'll tack on some more assurances though.] I'm still going. Still walking.

[She lays her head back down on his shoulder now and her hand falls open on his chest, remaining there motionless for a moment before very lightly brushing the "cage" protecting the old wound.] A doctor here could remove them.

[Vash reaches forward and brushes his fingers through her hair. Amazed again that he never knew how soft it was before.] Those hidden ones tend to hurt a lot more than mine. So I'm glad you're still walking. [And not just for the moment they just had together.

As she lays her hand across his chest Vash actually looks perplex.] You know, I never even thought about that! They've been there for so long now that I don't give them much thought. [But he had to admit that's a tempting idea.]

I had a close friend in Marina named Ton. He'd lost a lot of his organic body in battle and had cybernetic replacements. He hated them. I asked him if he'd ever considered having the wardens replace them. They'd already given someone back their eye, and as it turned out it was all just virtual reality so they could really do anything. He didn't want to make any changes though because he was afraid of how he'd feel if he got sent back home and it was like it had been. He didn't think he could adjust to it twice. Which is a long way of saying, it's something to think about, but I get that there are reasons not to. [She tips her head up.]

And I don't want you thinking I think you should change. I mean, you should. In soooooo many ways, but not for me. [Giving him a teasing smile.]

What? You don't think my winning personality, style, and looks aren't one hundred and ten percent perfect? [He teases right back with a grin.]

I don't think I'd mind getting rid of the plates at least. Even if they come back. [He doesn't add when he's sent home. He's not sure he believes those who leave get sent home.] I don't care that much about my looks so I won't be too disappointed by them being gone and back. These are a lot different then cybernetic replacements.

[He holds up his prosthetic arm.] Although, I admit, this has come in handy. [He laughs at his own pun.] I actually have a gun hiding in here.

Only like one hundred and four percent. [She smiles and listens to what he has to say about the rest, relieved he doesn't seem to take offense. And she agrees that it's not like a cybernetic replacement, but she still wanted to approach the topic carefully.]

I'm pretty sure I saw that in one of your memories. Also, just for future reference, sounds vaguely threatening when you have a naked girl curled up with you. [Though she doesn't seem even vaguely threatened herself.]

Well, maybe that's because I want it to be! [Suddenly he starts to tickle her with both arms. He also tries to curl his lip into a mock snarl, but he can't stop smiling and snickering that is loses even any mock threats behind it.]

[He does fail at being threatening and yet it only takes a moment before she reacts by phasing to avoid the attack. He'll find his hands sliding into her instead of skimming along the surface. It happens more on impulse and instinct than on any decision to choose to avoid the tickling. She's been out of her world for a long time, but the defensive instincts are still there.]

Mmm, how did that work out for you? [She'll do her best to pretend it was intentional.]

[Intentional or not he doesn't seemed phased by it. He stops his 'attack' and just smiles.] About as well as all my usual threats. For some reason people don't see me as an overly threatening guy! [At least not until he turns deadly serious. Which is exactly what he wants.]

Can't imagine why. [She solidifies, you know, once his fingers are all safely out of her so he doesn't lose them. She snuggles in closer.] Why do you act so differently? [She doesn't mean different from other people. Different from himself. She feels like she's seen different sides of him in the fleet, but even more so in his memories.]

Is it a wanting people to like you thing?

Somewhat. [The answer comes quick and easy. It's a question he's been asked a dozen times before so he knows the answer. He doesn't always answer truthfully, but this time he will.] It's also a way to hide as well. People don't expect the most- [Dropping his tone to a lower level.] -evil man on the planet- [And then back up to his normal tone.] -to be a loud, spastic idiot. So I get left alone.

But I also don't want people to be afraid and to like me. I'd rather they be annoyed at me then frightened.

And well, [Now he just grins.] If I'm being honest? Sometimes it's just more fun.

[He's mostly honest. He doesn't talk about how sometimes it's important to not let people see you hurt. He knows Kitty probably already understands that one. Or the fact that sometimes he smiles when he's upset because he's so use to trying to hide his pain he doesn't know how to stop most of the time now.]

I've seen evil. [Gently running her hand back through his hair.] You're not it. I mean I know you used your funny voice, but if any part of you thinks it, stop because that part of you is dumb. [She knows it's not that easy. Mostly she's just using her silly words to tell him she cares and that he's worth caring about.]

I get it though. I don't like people being frightened of me either. Feared and hated is kind of the mutant way. Except, instead of acting silly to prevent it, I'd act scary so that it happened before they got to know me instead of after so it would hurt less.

I know I'm not evil. [But that doesn't mean he thinks he's a good person. He's done too many bad things to think he is.]

I'd rather get to know someone and be hurt for it myself. [He takes one of her hands in his real one. Giving it a gentle squeeze.] I hate being alone. I would accept even an evil person's company over being alone. [He smiles at her before giving her a kiss.] And your company is way better than someone evil.

[And that's when Vash the Stampede hit her two biggest vulnerabilities. The part where she hates being alone too and the part where someone telling her even in a passive, roundabout way that she isn't a bad person makes her feel better than it probably should. So, when he kisses her she kisses back with more emotion than she might expect, clutching him tighter.

She doesn't entirely trust her voice when the kiss breaks which isn't just because of what he said, but that did open the door for other feelings to fall through. After all, her and Winn's mutual fear of abandonment was something that made them as close as they were. When they'd act out in self sabotaging ways, they'd always come back together stronger for it. She misses and loves him so much, but it feels so good right now to not be sitting in her room alone, curled up just listening to old video posts where he talks on the network. And of course the guilt. The guilt of cheating on a man she may never see again and the guilt of knowing she may hurt Vash.

She silently presses her face in against Vash's neck as if to hide the emotions she's having trouble holding back under the circumstances.]

[As Kitty presses her face into his neck he wraps his arms around her in a hug. Loose enough that she could easily break away if she wanted to, but firm enough to say he was there.

He's happy to just stay quiet for a long time. The problem with quiet is it give time for the mind to think. He was lucky enough that he and Meryl had never been an official couple. Always too scared of the danger it would put her in. He's smart enough to know that she might have been hurt if she knew, but she was also strong enough to move on.

He didn't know Winn enough to know how he'd feel about... whatever this ended up being.]

Are you still awake? [Suddenly realizing how long he's been quiet for. He whispers the question as what he has to say can wait.]

[She was very much awake. Her mind is crowded with thoughts and feelings, but just being held helps settle them back down so it doesn't feel like they're about to boil over uncontrollably which is good. She likes feeling like she has more control than that. Back home she kept everything very in check. Very in control. But there was a lot of pushing things away never to be dealt with so her time in Marina and Drift had been largely unpacking all that and once it was out to be examined it never really fit back in place as neatly as before. Probably for the best, but it often made her feel messy and weak. Still trying to find balance.

But when he speaks she shifts first, wondering if he's going to ask her to leave. Maybe he isn't comfortable with her still being in bed with him.] I'm up.

[If he's uncomfortable he doesn't show it with the way he smiles at her as she shifts. Or the way he still holds her gently to him.]

I just want you to know, that what happened tonight, if you want to keep quiet and not speak of it again? I'll do that. Or if you want to tell-- [Winn if he returns.]--people I'm okay with that too. Or something in the middle. [He's happy to take her lead as he's assuming she'll be the most hurt from tonight.]

Either way, no matter what. I'm not sorry for getting stuck under that mistletoe. [He at least has decided: No regrets.]

[She smiles softly at that and leans in to kiss him affectionately.] You're a good man, Vash. I'm not sorry for that either. [For other things maybe, but not for that.]

I...um... [She's not sure how to say this or if it needs to be said. But she started so she figures she'll find a way to keep going.] I'm still with Winn. [And still desperately wants that life with him. Not just out of some loyalty.] But I know I might never see him again. [She hates saying it aloud. She hates how real it feels.] I don't really know where that leaves me or him or us.

[She notices the way Vash speaks of it. As something that happened and whether or not to disclose it, but they're still lying naked together. It's still happening. And she wonders if it's his way of saying it shouldn't happen again too or not. It probably shouldn't.

But that didn't stop them the first time.]

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