driftfleet_ooc | Happy holidays to your lips~

I had a close friend in Marina named Ton. He'd lost a lot of his organic body in battle and had cybernetic replacements. He hated them. I asked him if he'd ever considered having the wardens replace them. They'd already given someone back their eye, and as it turned out it was all just virtual reality so they could really do anything. He didn't want to make any changes though because he was afraid of how he'd feel if he got sent back home and it was like it had been. He didn't think he could adjust to it twice. Which is a long way of saying, it's something to think about, but I get that there are reasons not to. [She tips her head up.]

And I don't want you thinking I think you should change. I mean, you should. In soooooo many ways, but not for me. [Giving him a teasing smile.]

What? You don't think my winning personality, style, and looks aren't one hundred and ten percent perfect? [He teases right back with a grin.]

I don't think I'd mind getting rid of the plates at least. Even if they come back. [He doesn't add when he's sent home. He's not sure he believes those who leave get sent home.] I don't care that much about my looks so I won't be too disappointed by them being gone and back. These are a lot different then cybernetic replacements.

[He holds up his prosthetic arm.] Although, I admit, this has come in handy. [He laughs at his own pun.] I actually have a gun hiding in here.

Only like one hundred and four percent. [She smiles and listens to what he has to say about the rest, relieved he doesn't seem to take offense. And she agrees that it's not like a cybernetic replacement, but she still wanted to approach the topic carefully.]

I'm pretty sure I saw that in one of your memories. Also, just for future reference, sounds vaguely threatening when you have a naked girl curled up with you. [Though she doesn't seem even vaguely threatened herself.]

Well, maybe that's because I want it to be! [Suddenly he starts to tickle her with both arms. He also tries to curl his lip into a mock snarl, but he can't stop smiling and snickering that is loses even any mock threats behind it.]

[He does fail at being threatening and yet it only takes a moment before she reacts by phasing to avoid the attack. He'll find his hands sliding into her instead of skimming along the surface. It happens more on impulse and instinct than on any decision to choose to avoid the tickling. She's been out of her world for a long time, but the defensive instincts are still there.]

Mmm, how did that work out for you? [She'll do her best to pretend it was intentional.]

[Intentional or not he doesn't seemed phased by it. He stops his 'attack' and just smiles.] About as well as all my usual threats. For some reason people don't see me as an overly threatening guy! [At least not until he turns deadly serious. Which is exactly what he wants.]

Can't imagine why. [She solidifies, you know, once his fingers are all safely out of her so he doesn't lose them. She snuggles in closer.] Why do you act so differently? [She doesn't mean different from other people. Different from himself. She feels like she's seen different sides of him in the fleet, but even more so in his memories.]

Is it a wanting people to like you thing?

Somewhat. [The answer comes quick and easy. It's a question he's been asked a dozen times before so he knows the answer. He doesn't always answer truthfully, but this time he will.] It's also a way to hide as well. People don't expect the most- [Dropping his tone to a lower level.] -evil man on the planet- [And then back up to his normal tone.] -to be a loud, spastic idiot. So I get left alone.

But I also don't want people to be afraid and to like me. I'd rather they be annoyed at me then frightened.

And well, [Now he just grins.] If I'm being honest? Sometimes it's just more fun.

[He's mostly honest. He doesn't talk about how sometimes it's important to not let people see you hurt. He knows Kitty probably already understands that one. Or the fact that sometimes he smiles when he's upset because he's so use to trying to hide his pain he doesn't know how to stop most of the time now.]

I've seen evil. [Gently running her hand back through his hair.] You're not it. I mean I know you used your funny voice, but if any part of you thinks it, stop because that part of you is dumb. [She knows it's not that easy. Mostly she's just using her silly words to tell him she cares and that he's worth caring about.]

I get it though. I don't like people being frightened of me either. Feared and hated is kind of the mutant way. Except, instead of acting silly to prevent it, I'd act scary so that it happened before they got to know me instead of after so it would hurt less.

I know I'm not evil. [But that doesn't mean he thinks he's a good person. He's done too many bad things to think he is.]

I'd rather get to know someone and be hurt for it myself. [He takes one of her hands in his real one. Giving it a gentle squeeze.] I hate being alone. I would accept even an evil person's company over being alone. [He smiles at her before giving her a kiss.] And your company is way better than someone evil.

[And that's when Vash the Stampede hit her two biggest vulnerabilities. The part where she hates being alone too and the part where someone telling her even in a passive, roundabout way that she isn't a bad person makes her feel better than it probably should. So, when he kisses her she kisses back with more emotion than she might expect, clutching him tighter.

She doesn't entirely trust her voice when the kiss breaks which isn't just because of what he said, but that did open the door for other feelings to fall through. After all, her and Winn's mutual fear of abandonment was something that made them as close as they were. When they'd act out in self sabotaging ways, they'd always come back together stronger for it. She misses and loves him so much, but it feels so good right now to not be sitting in her room alone, curled up just listening to old video posts where he talks on the network. And of course the guilt. The guilt of cheating on a man she may never see again and the guilt of knowing she may hurt Vash.

She silently presses her face in against Vash's neck as if to hide the emotions she's having trouble holding back under the circumstances.]

[As Kitty presses her face into his neck he wraps his arms around her in a hug. Loose enough that she could easily break away if she wanted to, but firm enough to say he was there.

He's happy to just stay quiet for a long time. The problem with quiet is it give time for the mind to think. He was lucky enough that he and Meryl had never been an official couple. Always too scared of the danger it would put her in. He's smart enough to know that she might have been hurt if she knew, but she was also strong enough to move on.

He didn't know Winn enough to know how he'd feel about... whatever this ended up being.]

Are you still awake? [Suddenly realizing how long he's been quiet for. He whispers the question as what he has to say can wait.]

[She was very much awake. Her mind is crowded with thoughts and feelings, but just being held helps settle them back down so it doesn't feel like they're about to boil over uncontrollably which is good. She likes feeling like she has more control than that. Back home she kept everything very in check. Very in control. But there was a lot of pushing things away never to be dealt with so her time in Marina and Drift had been largely unpacking all that and once it was out to be examined it never really fit back in place as neatly as before. Probably for the best, but it often made her feel messy and weak. Still trying to find balance.

But when he speaks she shifts first, wondering if he's going to ask her to leave. Maybe he isn't comfortable with her still being in bed with him.] I'm up.

[If he's uncomfortable he doesn't show it with the way he smiles at her as she shifts. Or the way he still holds her gently to him.]

I just want you to know, that what happened tonight, if you want to keep quiet and not speak of it again? I'll do that. Or if you want to tell-- [Winn if he returns.]--people I'm okay with that too. Or something in the middle. [He's happy to take her lead as he's assuming she'll be the most hurt from tonight.]

Either way, no matter what. I'm not sorry for getting stuck under that mistletoe. [He at least has decided: No regrets.]

[She smiles softly at that and leans in to kiss him affectionately.] You're a good man, Vash. I'm not sorry for that either. [For other things maybe, but not for that.]

I...um... [She's not sure how to say this or if it needs to be said. But she started so she figures she'll find a way to keep going.] I'm still with Winn. [And still desperately wants that life with him. Not just out of some loyalty.] But I know I might never see him again. [She hates saying it aloud. She hates how real it feels.] I don't really know where that leaves me or him or us.

[She notices the way Vash speaks of it. As something that happened and whether or not to disclose it, but they're still lying naked together. It's still happening. And she wonders if it's his way of saying it shouldn't happen again too or not. It probably shouldn't.

But that didn't stop them the first time.]

That's fine. [He smiles lazily.] There is no need to rush and figure this out. [Unless Winn suddenly shows up. Then there will likely need to be a rush.] I've never been very good at planning and do better figuring things out as I go anyway.

Does that mean... You might want to do this again if it feels right?

...What I said didn't bother you? [Still worried she's going to hurt him or that she already has. Not that she thinks he was just dying to be with her, but... Well, she just wants to be sure.]

[His ears start to change to a soft shade of pink and he coyly smiles. Needing to not be looking her in the eye while he gets the courage to admit he really liked it. It would not look very good for him to answer her first question with a resounding, and loud YES.]

Well, I mean, if you think it feels right ever again. I, ah, I would certainly be alright with doing this again.

[He feels a bit like he was only forty years old again.]

And no, what you said didn't bother me. I don't expect you to ever stop loving Winn. I wouldn't want you to even try to stop. [He understands that he will never be who Kitty really wants to be with. He would never fault her for that. Expecting his love to never be returned is the life he's use to.]

[She would have smiled if he had. Maybe laughed a little too. But the rest of it is what she really needed to hear. He understood the whole time. It's a relief.]

Does that mean I can sleep over tonight? [She's not ready to return back to her lonely, much larger bed, surrounded by Winn. He's always with her. She's also still very much wearing his engagement ring even as everything else she was wearing is discarded for the moment. But it still seems overwhelming to go back to right now.]

Of course. [He was happy to hear it if he was being honest.] In fact, any time you want to sleep over you are welcome to.

[But he can't help himself to add at the end.] Clothing is always optional.

[Okay, he gets a laugh at that, fingers running through his blond hair that is mostly not standing up on it's own now.]

Was this really your first time? [It's not like she can think of any reason for him to lie about it, but it went pretty well and also...why and how could he wait so long and after all that waiting...why her? You know, when she's so obviously flawed and all.]

[Once again she's made his ears turn pink again.]

Y-yeah. It was. [But her tone sounds more unconvinced than sarcastic so he's pretty sure he wasn't terrible.] Although, I'm usually a really quick learner and well, I've ah-- read a few... romance novels... gave me... some idea.

[They're cute ears. Sometimes she embarrasses people just to see the blushing. Ask Khadgar. But in this case she's just curious and feeling safe and open with him enough to ask. Not that she's certain he'll answer.]

It paid off.

Why did you wait so long?

Well, a few reasons really. More recently it was the bounty. It was too dangerous to expect someone to be with me. To be close to Vash the Stampede was to paint a large target on your back. Can't think of anything much closer than this. [He gives her a quick squeeze to drive his point home.]

Before that ah, well. [He pauses as he tries to decide how much he wanted to say and how best to explain it.] I was worried about falling in love with someone and then having to watch them grow old without me. [It was devastating enough to watch a friend age and die. Knowing there was nothing he could do. What would it be like if it was someone he was in love with?]

That and I wasn't sure if ah-- being what I am... if everything would, well, work. If I ended up with someone and they wanted children one day would it be safe to even try? Could it be possible or would it just not work?

[And finally he had the idea of "saving it" for his one true love when he was younger, but Gunsmoke had quickly soured that idea.]

Okay, I can see where all of that would complicate things. [They are also long term concerns. Not the worry you necessarily have for a one-night stand, but the kind you have for someone you want to spend your life or some significant part of it with.]

Being different usually does.

Can I ask how old you are? [Oh, sure, that's where she feels the need to ask if she can ask.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject